After that horrifying experience with the knives. I thought for sure things would have gotten better. Nope, not in the least. I still felt trapped between heaven and hell. Things were happening I couldn’t understand. The kids in my area that I went to church with. Couldn’t relate to me. And if I tried to bring it up, things got twisted and sent right back to my mother.
Being pulled out of school wasn’t so bad. I helped out in the daycare center my parents co-owned. I worked with the infants to a yr old it was a good 2 weeks, but then that happiness wouldn’t last long. There was an opening in Primary Children’s Psych Annex. Yep, my first stint with the inpatient treatment. Talk about feeling like you were loosing your mind and being everything you didn’t want to be.
I spent over a month in a half in Primary Children’s Annex with only one outcome. The issue wasn’t me, it was my parents. My mother wouldn’t hear of it. Of course it was my fault. I was an evil child. Why couldn’t anyone see it. She stamped it on my forehead. Removal of me from there and mother telling everyone the Psychiatrist was a quack. Got her the sympathy votes and me more ostracized than ever. I hated her and everything she stood for.
After being out of the psych hospital and trying to have a normal life. I was upstairs in my room and my room spun and I could see the walls run with blood, but this time it was different. It was looking through a window into another place and seeing something horrible that happened. I focused and realized that I was in a friend’s room, but how? I had never been there ever! But I could see this friend clearly and with a shotgun. I watched as she blew her head off and brain matter go everywhere. I freaked out screaming her name over and over again. It was to late. She was gone.
I ran downstairs and told my mom not to pick up the phone, Kim would be calling me and telling me that Colleen had committed suicide. My mom not believing me. Jokingly asked and how did she do this and how do you know? I said I saw it. She still didn’t believe me. I begged her not to answer the phone it would be for me and that I would answer it. Of course, she didn’t listen to me.
The phone rang about 5 minutes later and I raced down the stairs like I had wings attached to my feet trying to beat my mother to the phone. I didn’t. She answered it looked at me with her smile of I caught you in a lie, but her expression quickly changed. I heard her ask who was calling and I heard her repeat the callers name Kim. I smiled inwardly for a moment. She then asked what the call was in regards to. I don’t know what Kim said, but the phone dropped and my mother screamed for my Dad and was told the phone was for me. I talked to Kim for all of 15 minutes. She reconfirmed what I already knew that Colleen was dead. How I wish I had never experienced a friends death, but I know she is in a better place.
I have no idea what my parents were talking about in the bedroom but I knew it was about me. I really hated my mother and her closed mindness and thinking that I was evil. Was I evil? Did I bring this upon myself? Or was there a reason for all this happening to me? There are more questions than answers at times and this was one of those times.
I won’t go into the 3rd incident because it’s not really paranormal and it’s a guilt I feel everyday. Someday, I hope my dad will understand it wasn’t him, but it was all me. I don’t fault him for his actions they were quite deserved.
AZ Paranormal Research Center 